Down and Out in the Preuvian Hills

I have been very lucky traveling all of these years. I have not really gotten sick at all, so when people would tell horror stories of how they got sick I would always think they must have done something wrong. I mean I have eaten strange foods, eaten from street vendors, and taken a few chances but have always come up on top. Well... this last week has been payback. Me and Lotta arrived to Lake Titticaca, a huge lake at the far south end of Peru, and the north of Bolivia. We went to the floating islands there, which have become floating islands/tourist trinket islands. We had read about when visiting the islands you should only give the (very poor) children pens or toys, but NOT candy, you think the U.S. has a health care program that is in disrepair, the slogan for the Bolivian dental program is "HEY Kids we don´t exist!" Once we got to the island we saw why the book recommended no candy, the kid´s teeth, or lack there of, were gnarled and twisted like the mouth of a fifty year old carny. The kids came up to a group of us and sang come cute songs, some gave candy, some pens, and me and Lotta gave some money. The kids left with our money and came back a few seconds later with more candy. The next day we bought apples and gave those to every kid we saw.
That night we went to a bar and had a drink and the next day we headed out to a small island where people have been living for thousands of years. We arranged to spend the night with a local family on that fantastic island. The locals were great and we ate our meals with them too. That morning we took the boat back and I slept the entire way back to Puno, the town we based out of. We got back to the hotel room and that is where I got to hang out for the next few days. Hmmmmm what did it? I lined up the suspects 1. Altitude Sickness: Headache-check, insomnia-check, poor digestion-(I suppose if THAT is what you want to call it)-check, Malaise- On a side note I like the word "malaise" although it sounds like something you might get just for a few minutes while summering with the queen after a rousing polo game, "Oh tut tut, I feel I have a touch of the malaise, shall we retire to the veranda and have some lemonade, jolly good" Personally I would have called it "groaning on your bed praying for the sweet dark embrace of death" but I suppose MALAISE will do- check. But, I do not think it was just the altitude sickness. No for the perfect vacation sickness recipe you should get a base of Altitude sickness, mix in a healthy portion of very rural local cooking, sprinkle in some dehydration, and to get it just right be sure to remember that night you had that drink at the bar, hmmm it had an ice cube in it didn´t it?
As a public service we have no photos of the sickness week. I did see the best site I have ever seen, much better than the Inca Trail, and cooler than any capital city, that would be: My wife LOTTA, thank God for her! she put up with me for a week and run to the store for any and all needs, I literally do not know how I would have made it if not for her.
Anyway this is me sticking my head out the rabbit hole for the first time and looking around La Paz the governmental capital of Bolivia.

The first real meal that I had when I could eat again? Burger King! I know it is kind of a sell out but I do not care, and it tasted great too. I was struck by the fact there do not seem to be any MacDonald's in either Peru or Bolivia and the Burger King we found was the ONLY western fast food place we have seen the entire time here.
Once healed up we took a short bus to a town called Oruro and then last night we took a very long bus, ten hours, to Sucre. The Bus left at 10:30 P.M. so it was a night bus packed with all Peruvians and two little gringo/gringas. We had two big seats so the trip was going to just be an overnight sleeping trip. But wait! this bus trip has entertainment in the form of two T.V.s. One T.V. is at the front of the bus and the second one is fastened to the side of the overhead luggage compartment so it is hanging in front of one seat in the middle of the bus.... you know.... MY SEAT, about twenty inches in front of my face. So, at about 11:00 P.M. with no where to look but at the screen what is the film sensation they show on the bus? "Karate Dog", featuring Pat Morita (who has the good sense to have his character die in the first five minutes) and gulp, Jon Voit, How? Why? The whole affair is dubbed in Spanish, but don´t worry, somehow I could still follow the plot, which involves a DOG who knows KARATE, and talks, sort of an Air Bud meets Chuck Norris. With "Karate Dog" blasting away in Spanish, my head twisting left to right looking for anything that is not a talking dog beating on ninjas I sudden realize what it is to be Alex in " A Clockwork Orange", I now get sick ever time I see a dog, or Karate, and forget talking karate dogs.
All of a sudden they turn the sound down very low on the movie, so I am really the only person on the bus that can even hear the movie, not that I am complaining but that is so ironic they should cram it into that Alantis Morrisette song, you know "it´s like rain on your wedding day, it´s like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife, it´s like being the only non-Spanish speaking person able to actually hear the Spanish dubbed movie on a bus load of 46 Peruvians." O.K. it is a bit long but it is still a lot more "Ironic" than any of her so called lyrics.
Speaking of dogs, Lotta and I were walking around town and we saw a dog, which is no big deal as the whole country is thick with them, but this dog happened to have a pink sweater on. Lotta used the zoom and got a photo of the funny dog, the funny dog that stoped waging it´s tail, started walking in our direction growling and barking. We just slowly but deliberately walked away and were fine. There is a relatively high degree of rabies in Bolivia and Peru so it is pretty scary when a big dog looks like it might bite you. What is about a thousand times worse than getting bit by a dog with rabies in Bolivia? Getting bitten by a dog with rabies in Bolivia that is wearing a pink sweater.

Here is a parting shot of some construction going on. I realize this blog was mostly about sickness and bus travel but that is all that has really happened, but we have big ticket adventure just over the hill. Take care all
Craig "Hot Night Bus"Vollmer

When Llamas Fight Back

When last we left we had just crested the hill at sunrise to see Machu Picchu, the lost city of the Incas.

It really is a good pay off after the four day hike. Machu Picchu, or Much A Pinch You, as I like to call it while I am Pinching Lotta(she thinks it is just sooooo funny), is an amazing site. How the Incas built this on top of a mountain is just astounding. If there was a 700 year old South American culture based on the life of Craig it would be at the bottom of a mountain, shelter would be the shade of a tree, and the whole culture would go extinct in about sixty days because no one had invented the drive-thru window yet.

Some people think the Incas had contact with life from other planets, U.F.O.'s. These people think there is no way that the Incas could build all of these grand structures by themselves. I like to respect other people and their beliefs, who am I to question what people think? It is this kind of understanding and respect for thought that makes free nations great. That being said, the U.F.O. people are wrong. I have a little theory too, it is called "it's amazing what you can do with forced labor, and no concern for human life."


There were some llamas running around Machu Picchu, and they seemed to be having the best time, they would eat, jump over tourists, and pose for photos, love those llamas. There were also some sort of rabbit Squirrel creature there. I call them rabbirls.

The stone work lived up to it's rep, fine edges and put together to withstand earthquakes that have destroyed much more 'modern' buildings. I ended up climbing a near by mountain that also had ruins on it called Wayna Picchu. This was amazing, and very steep. Once I made it to the top I could see over the jungle. We were so high up and the cliff so steep that when I put my hand out over the edge I could feel the heat of the jungle rise up, very cool.


I would love to tell more about Machu Picchu, but our guide had an agenda of getting back to town and leaving. We did spend a few hours marching around the ruins and I did climb the big mountain in the background but we were all pretty tired so when our guide said we might want to get lunch in the town at the bottom of the hill we all agreed. At this point our guide who neglected to point out to us the Ceremonial baths, Temple of the Sun, Temple of the Condor, House of the High Priest, or Hut of the Caretaker of the Funerary Rock at Machu Picchu, made VERY CLEAR that when we got to the tourist town of Aguas Calientes we were to eat at the Hot Springs Restaurant. hmmmm my spider sense was tingling but after four long days it was a bit dulled. The Hot Springs Restaurant was a wonderful tourist trap of a place, where our very authentic Peruvian Pizza could only have it's price justified if the crust were made of solid gold. As the three of us ate our tiny, overpriced, craptastic pizza, I looked over to see our guide pounding down a meal fit for an Inca King, or Emperor, or President or whatever they had back then. I don't know what they were called because our guide told us nothing useful about the Incas. At this point my over tired brain thought "OH she must be getting a kick back for taking us here." Sure the cafe up at Machu Picchu was overpriced too but THAT overpriced cafe had a view of 500 year old Inca ruins that took us four days of hard hiking to get to, while the overpriced cafe we were eating at had a view of an Inca shot glass, a novelty pipe where you would smoke the end of a well endowed Inca warrior (very classy) and some Inca panties. Overall, it was a great experience, and Lotta is almost recovered (apparently, hiking for four days is not a new cure for the fly, who knew) next we are off to the floating islands oohhhh.
On a final note A photo of me doing the running man.

Much A Pinch You

Machu Picchu is the cherry on top of the Peru cake, this is the place the vast majority of people come to see. A city that was made by the Incas and never found by the Spanish, it was "discovered" in 1911, as in it was discovered by white people, the local people have known about it for hundreds of years. The cool thing about Machu Picchu is the high quality of the stonework, huge stones fit together intricately. Was it for ceremonies? or was it a city for the 'chosen women'? or maybe a summer vacation home where the Inca elite playfully splashed each other with water, while betting on the highly popular llama races. NO ONE KNOWS! ohhhhhh. very mysterious. An undisputed fact is that Machu Picchu is a fantastic city on top of a mountain, and well worth seeing.
There is only one way to get to Machu Picchu, and that is a grueling four day hike over mountains (dead woman's pass) and valleys. No wait that is just what my wife let me think, until I read (long after we had booked a guide) you can also take a 45 minute bus to the top. The only way to hike the Inca trail is to book a guide, you can not do it along anymore. When you book a guide you are actually booking a guide, a porter, and a cook. The cook makes four course meals for you three times a day, in the kitchen tent that has been carried and set up by the porters. The guide sort of tells you about the trail.
So, we booked a guide four mouths in advance and in preparation for the long and hard hike Lotta got sick, with a kind of flu, the day before we left. The morning we left we told the agency that we might now be able to go and they jumped up and said "oh no you O.K." then they gave Lotta some pills that simple can not be legal on earth, either that or it is Nyquil in pill form. Lotta said she felt great, sure she saw a tree turn into a dragon and fly away but that is to be expected with 'Peruvian-get-you-well-fast-pill'. Here is a photo of the Porters getting ready.

The first day of the hike was good, give or take. We started with a little chaos but that is par for course here. Many group that go on the hike are 20 to 30 people, we decided to go with a smaller group as it is better for the porters and a bit better for the trail itself. Our group was suppose to be eight to ten people and it ended up being three, me, Lotta, and a Dutch girl named Eva. We had our small group and we could not have been happier with it. Lotta stared to feel better and better, I became her personal porter for the first day and carried her pack, once the pills kicked in she smiled a lot and chased a butterfly. here is happy Lotta.
The mountains in Peru are just like mountain in Peru. I was struck by the
uniqueness of the mountain. One would not mistake them for the Rockies, or Swiss Alps, they really look like the Andes.

Some of the things that I have learned on the Inca Trail, or Inca Trial as some call it. I have learned that the Porters are the second, maybe the firs most amazing thing about Peru. These are guys who backpack at least fifty pound, and up to sixty-five pounds on a mountain trail for four days. Not only that but they mostly only wear sandals, they ALWAYS pass the tourists, and they get paid about 12 dollars a day for this. But you say "12 dollars a day is a lot of money for people down there" ummm no it isn't, but it is more than they get paid as farmers, so that is what they end up doing. Yet, another reason to be thankful that we got lucky in where we were born. The cook carries a lot of things too but he is a little bit higher up on the food chain. The guide is even higher up and kind of runs the show.
Oh here is a photo of me sharing the road with some animals


The job of the guide on the Inca trail is to pass by interesting ruins in silence, when you come to a site that she knows something about she will stop the group and relate in half-broken English, information that contradicts the facts you just learned about in a book about Peru. Here is a photo of our guide telling me something that I am pretending to understand.

While it is true, when you go to another country you should be expected to know some of the local language and make an effort to know what the people around you are saying, it might also be true that if you hire a GUIDE, they might want to be able to ummm guide you. oh well, to make up for it Maria, our guide, was very nice and she helped out Lotta a whole Lotta when she was sick. We also had some really good conversations about what life is like now in Peru and what she personally thought about Peru, the U.S., and everyday life. That sort of made up for her underwhelming knowledge of the trek we were actually on.
This is a photo of Maria, Eva, and Lotta on our second day. The breakdown of the days was: Day 1 Easy (code for, not so easy if you are carrying your wife's backpack, and in Lotta's case if you have the flu) Day 2 Challenging ( code for, Inca Trail will break your gringo soul ha ha ha ha) Day 3 Amazing (code for, O.K. day three WAS amazing, but they lied to us when they said it was all down hill) Day 4 Unforgettable (Code for, well, yes day 4 was unforgettable, but in all fairness so was day 2 because I will never forget the day I wanted to die rather than walk another step) Oh by the way, Eva the Dutch girl was very nice and modest, from the first day on all she would say was "oh I hope I do not become too tired, I hope I have enough energy" That was fine because I am sure we all thought that the only difference is that she was always way ahead of us, mostly we would catch up to her while she was sitting resting.

This is a photo of the only thing Lotta and I saw for the whole hike.

Day two was the hardest and consisted of climbing to a height of 4198 meters. I really can't mention too much how high altitude will put a hurting on a person. Climbing a mountain in one day and coming back down is one thing but just living at a high altitude is another thing altogether. All day me and Lotta did the "ten step gasp'N'sit" This is not a bad way to climb really, because you get to sit down as see what you are climbing. Also, you can marvel at what the porters are taking with them, propane tanks, potsNpans, old women.
None the less we made it to the top, here is Lotta at the top of "Dead Woman's Pass" I would have preferred they call it "The Happy Go Lucky Pass of Joy and Fun" and then maybe put an amusement park up there, and a steak house, but that is just me.
Day 3 was an up and down affair, with a bunch of amazing mountain, they have no shortage of them. Day 4 the big pay off for the whole trip will have to wait as a tired Lotta has the look of "I need to eat" in here eyes. Hope all is well back on the home front.
A going away photo of one of our porters.

Gasping for Air In Cuzco

In Cuzco, Peru at 3326 meters for those of you not in Europe that equals many many feet, or very high up, if you want to be exact. The reason we are here in this city is to aclimate to the altitude before we embark on a four day hike up a mountain to see the Inca runins of Machu Picchu. This first place we stayed at was a youth hostel called Loki hostel, here is Lotta sitting in the cool cafe with Cuzco in the background. It was the party place and and people from all over the world would drink untill the wee hours in the morning, I know becasue while we wanted to sleep they would play drinking games at three in the morning, which would be O.K. if I was participating in said drinking game but Lotta and I were trying to sleep. I intantly became a grummpy old man and started yelling "Durn you whipper snappers don´t you know people are trying to sleep" I even bought a cane so I could shake it at them. After a few nights we decided to hit another hotel and by then we were sort of use to the thin air so we took an overnight trip to a town close to Cuzco, called Pisac. We walked down to the local bus station which consisted of a thin sheet of tin hung over an ally with an opening cut for buses. After bouncing around in confusion the kind locals herded us to the ticket area and then onto the right bus. We sat in the wrong seat, and they diverted us to the correct seats. Much entertainment was had for the locals who must have been wondering "who are these loco gringos." In our effort to do it by ourselves we eskewed the big tour buses and took the loca bus for 60 cents. But, anytime we can bring a smile to bus load of Peruvians by being the only two bumbling gringos on board I feel we have really accomplished something.
Everyone was very nice to us and we got to Pisac, found a room and climbed a mountain to some Inca runins. Now for a fun little thing I like to call "Inca stuff I had no idea about." Now you Inca history buffs out there might laugh at me for my lack of previous knowledge about the Incas, and to you I say "bite me, there is a whole world out there and I don´t see how I can be expected to know about comicbooks, computer games, AND the Inca empire." Besides I usually just count on Lotta to know everything. Anyway, on to cool Inca thing number 1. The Incas were really only a large empire like power for a little less than a hundred years, from about 1438 to around 1532. Sure they had been around before then but just as some backwater village. In 1438 the Incas had a leader named Pachacutec who is described in a difficult to translated holy Inca text as "kicking ass". He is compared to Alexander the Great by some, becasue of his millitary expansion, not the simularity of thier hair style. In thirty years he took over an area that is roughly the size of continental Europe. Nutty Inca fact #2 The germs from the Spanish reached the Inca before the Spanish, Around 1527 a fatal epidemic killed almost half of the 25 million population. After that there was a devistating civil war (think U.S. civil war) with each side equaly matched. In 1532 the Spanish conquistadors, who lucked out by finding the Inca capital straight away, just mopped up what was left. It was not helpfull that the Conquistadors were big jerks, no really, it´s a historical fact. When the Inca´s first met the Spanish they gave them rooms full of gold and silver and all sorts of cool gifts like t-shirts that said "I went to the Inca kingdom in South America and all I got was this lousy T-shirt (and rooms full of gold and silver)". To reciprocate the Spanish gave the Incas a bible. So, lets say you give me 3 billion dollars, and I give you a book in a different language, and expect you to be really greatfull. The Incas responded correctly. O.K. that is enough history, this isn´t the history blog after all.
This is on top of the mountain we climbed, it was great and a lot of work. but the view was great. Once at the top we explored the sight among the bus loads of tourists that cheated by taking a bus to the top. After climbing an hour and half, gasping every inch of the way there is no way not to feel superior to the people who just had to sit until they got to the top, on the other hand I have been on the other side of that too and then I look at the sweating puffing fools who took the hard way while I took the smart way.
Lotta bought some sort of fuit at the market that tasted good and was refreshing to eat. You just have to peel off a bit of the outer layer and suck out the fruit. I don´t remember what it was called but the insides looked like rat guts, but I don´t think it is called rat gut fruit.
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So, we climbed back down the mountain went to a cool market, got up to speed on out hageling skills, spent the night, got on a bus and went back to Cuzco.

Once in Cuzco we went to our new hostel. I would like to take a second to put the spotlight on water conservation. It is very important for those of us in more developed nations not to drink bottled water it is silly, because for the most part the water out of our taps is perfectly fine, and by drinking bottled water we are creating more waste and using resources that developing countries, like Peru, are in desperate need of. O.K. that being said, I have wasted more water on this trip than in my whole life. Every place we stay at the shower has two controls for the water, one has a little red dot and the other has a little blue dot. You at home might be familiar with these colors as representing hot and cold. In Peru the red dot stand for water that is heated by the magma core of this very earth that we live on, the blue dot represents water that is mysticaly transported from the far dwarf planet of Pluto. Amazingly these two temperatures can not be mixes so as to produce a warm pleasent water of refreshment. Also, the temp can change for a reason that is only knowen to the angery and vengfull water gods of Peru. This has lead to a system of washing that entails standing BY a constant stream of shower water, soaping up and waiting for the opportunity to not be scalded or given frost bite by the water. All I can say to this is sorry water conservation, but really that bottled water thing is bad. Oh and even though it is near to actually freezing at night (it is winter here afterall) the hotels do not have heat. Here is a photo of us brushing our teeth.
O.K. last but not least, we were here just in time to see the Corpus Christi festival. WOW, huge parades with men holding up big, heavy floats of saits, with dancing guys in creepy skimasks, it was very cool. Then we ran acros what looked like a huge chili cook off, and this was not far from the truth. There were maybe 80 tents set up each one serving the exact same thing, but with thier own special touch I´m sure. What were they serving?
Well, some kind of corn bread, a sea weed like thing, some amazing cheese, chicken, some fish egg thing, and the main course, the food you crawled out of the jungle for, the yummy in your tummy....Roasted GUINEA PIG. It so happens the Peruvians have been eating Cuy (guinea pig) for hundreds of years, so what else can you do but belly up to the counter, plop down your 12 sol (four dollars) and eat some house hold pet. So, how does it taste? not like chicken, I can say that. I would have to say it tastes a little better than a hamster, but not as good at a gerible. Really, it has so may herbs and spice, it just tasted salty, but I can check it off the list and not eat it again thank you very much. 1%5D"> That was a long update, tommorrow we go off on a four day hike on the Inca trail. Wish us luck, and remember guinea pigs aren´t just pets anymore.

First Stop Peru

Hola from Cuzco, Peru elevation 3326m. Me and Lotta are alive and well in this elevated city in the Andes. The trip really started in the county of Airportia, an expansive country covering every city in the world. We entered into Airportia at 5 a.m. Nebraska time. There is no need for a visa, or vaccination record to enter this country only a health skill to stand in lines, the ability to navigate chaos and of course an absence of all liquids.
Once on the plane we headed for New York. What! a connecting flight in New York that is headed for South America, all in the name of a cheap ticket my friend. So, a four hour layover in New York, then back on the plane to Lima. The long flight to Lima was nothing to look forward to but at least it had the promise of the only two things that I look forward to on these flights 1. a bunch of bad movies that I can look at on my personal entertainment center built right into the seat in front of me and 2.My favorite, free in flight drink, The Bloody Mary. I even had my wife, Lotta, who is not much of an in flight drinker, set up to order a drink that could be savored later. How surprised I was to find no entertainment screen in the seat in front of me. "oh" I said to Lotta "there must me some mistake", as I pawed at the seat hoping that some secret switch would open up my entertainment for the next nine hours. here is a photo of no entertainment. Then they announced with a little snicker that all drinks with booze in them would cost money. I shoot my tiny fists at the airline in rage. My wife did not care in the least and slept like a babe for most of the trip, but those of us with a rather larger fear of the plane crashing, as unwarranted as it may be, had to white knuckle it (even more without my beloved bloody marys to get me through.) Here is a photo of one of the life sustaining wings that I appreciate so much for not falling off.
None the less we touched down in Lima just fine at 10:30 P.M. now we only had to wait until 6 A.M. for our last flight to Cuzco. As, sleeping (or lack of) in an airport gos, it was not too bad. Of course that is on a different scale than other sleeping.
That scale being 1-the worst sleep you have had in your life and 10-you die in your sleep, so the best you can do is still not that great. So, the sleepy couple got up and took our last fight and ended up touching down in Cuzco at 10 A.M. While waiting for our luggage I took a photo of my wife from the back, there was a woman standing next to her. From the back they looked almost identical.
Once we got our backpacks we headed to get a taxi to take us to our hostel. Lotta said "it does not feel like we are in a different country." True words. From Omaha to New York to Lima to Cuzco, they ALL felt like the same place. Once we left the airport it was a little slap in the face that indeed we were in a different place.
And that is it for now, next outing will not dwell on the airport but be filled with interesting insights into the Peruvian lifestyle or pleas for ransom.

P.S. the spell check here with only catch spelling corrections for Spanish words, hence almost every single word I have written comes up as misspelled. So, I had to spell check my self and that can only lead to so-so spelling, so please be forgiving.